HER ROAD BACK

Before work this morning I was thinking back on the last seven days. My daughter and her family have lived in Pennsylvania now for one week. I feel the same as I did before I flew to Denver to begin the trek back to the east coast – more excited than I can put into words! On the flipside of that, I’m completely exhausted. I had no clue how out of the little kid, hectic, young family life I really am! If I was fussy when it came to my house before, it’s worse now. Every morning when I wake up something hurts - my feet, hands, back.

I thought I’d share what the week has looked like:

Loads and loads of laundry – I just put the last load in this morning. Juice boxes, sippy cups, cereal, cookies, bowls, crayons, nail polish, and toy cars all on the counter, all at the same time, most any time during the day. Almost a whole container of lemonade spilled on the kitchen floor and my little ’D’ turning on the treadmill, falling down and scraping up his face. Flies are buzzing around because kids are coming in and out of the house from playing outside. Everyday, at least two loads of dishes are run through the dishwasher and several trips are taken to the recycle bin and trash can. There are baths, brushing hair, diapers, and babies playing in the dog bowl with dog water. There’s been a dog fight with my Jack Russell and my daughter’s Beagle. We’ve shared a homecooked meal for dinner every night, been to the outlets, and have done some thrift store shopping. The baby is now walking, when he was just crawling a week ago, there are, in person, goodnight kisses, cookies being baked, pictures drawn and game boards sitting on the coffee table.

See why I’m tired! I’m tired, but I’ve enjoyed every single minute of this first week. I don’t know how these young moms do it! I can’t remember ever being this busy, but then again my youngest is almost 21.

There’s more in store this week as my son-in-law continues his job search, my daughter piles the kids in the car to scope out the area and the baby turns 1. Should be fun…

My daughter and her family are here in PA, all of them. It took Gail, the kids and me 4 days to get here and it took my Kevin and her Kevin 2! Maybe the difference had something to do with the fact that our vehicle had 3 kids, 2 adults and a dog in it which meant multiple stops, to do all sorts of things, including breastfeeding!

We’ve been praying for this move for 8 years. I’d ask God to put everything in place so they could be here with us. When it didn’t happen, I’d stop praying because I thought God’s answer was no. Me being me, constantly chattering at God, I could never really stop praying about them being here with us. I’ve had so many plans for our family swimming around in my head, if we only lived near each other. A lot of people who have grown children think I’m crazy to want my kids around, but I love having the whole gang here. All I can say is let the fun begin!

I don’ really like saying that word because it doesn’t sound like a word I’d ever say! But the truth is I have some very good friends and they’re girls, which makes them girlfriends. For many reasons I’ve never been good at friendships with women. Many I couldn’t trust, some were too shallow and needy for me and others only wanted me for what I could give them. I’m weak and struggle with the amount of time it takes to develop a real friendship. I also get turned off if I don’t click with a person right out of the shoot.

Over the last few years I realized there are a couple of things that are important to me when it comes to building friendships. I need a friend who’s my equal – intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Are they driven? Do they have passion? I know this sounds picky and snobbish, but it is what it is. If you think about it, how can any of us develop close friendships if we aren’t similar in some way or another?

The other thing I need is someone to care about me. Most of my life I’ve taken care of other people either at home or at work. I’m a mom, a wife, I’ve been a secretary, an office manager, an executive assistant and now I’m in a pastoral job. These roles are all about making sure other people’s needs are met, which I love, but it also means that I very seldom have someone asking me how I’m doing. It didn’t occur to me how much this meant until the women I call good friends reached out to me with some small, but pretty significant gestures of care and concern.

My pals have done things like sending me a get well card when I broke my arm a few years ago (she still can’t believe the card meant so much to me); another regularly sends me emails telling me the impact I’ve made in her life; and the other calls me with encouraging words when I head into unfamiliar territory like speaking at Princeton Community Church this year on Mother’s Day.

I’d venture to say I’m not alone when it comes to having difficulty making friends. My own daughters have struggled making friendships like these (Happily though, my oldest daughter has Constance). There’s not enough space to describe the love, respect and devotion I have for my very special girlfriends. I think they’d say the same about me. Everything looks and feels so much better because they’re in front of me, beside me and behind me 100% of the time.

I encourage women to seek out and develop close friendships like mine. I’d like the women who read my blog to share their thoughts about this whole girlfriend topic. My oldest daughter said that women treat friendships as if they’re fragile little things that can’t be messed with or they’ll break. She says men handle friendships like a football – they throw them around, they fall on them, they forget about them and then pick them up and run with them again. They’re tough and can go through anything even if they turn out a little bumped and bruised.

In the car ride back from Denver to Pennsylvania she laughed and said this is a good lesson we women should learn from men. Hmmm, I can’t believe I said that either!

I became a grandmother in December 1999 - most definitely one of the best days of my life. My oldest grandchild was born on a morning when Denver was hit with a major snow storm. By the time I made it to the hospital, she was about an hour and a half old. We’d planned on me being there for her birth, but Mother Nature threw us a curve ball! It didn’t matter, when I saw her I gasped because she looked so much like her mom, my daughter. It was love at first sight. I took more pictures of her the first few months of her life than I ever took of all 3 of my own children. My youngest daughter teased me and said I was going to blind the poor baby with all the flashes from the camera. Very funny!

One of the saddest days of my life was when we moved to Pennsylvania 6 months after my baby granddaughter was born. My heart ached at the thought of not being able to see her everyday as she was growing up. The day she and her mom returned to Colorado after driving to Pennsylvania to help us move, I made the decision that 1,600 miles would not be a barrier to her knowing who her family was.

The move was hard for all of us - my daughter didn’t have her mom up the street to help navigate her way with a newborn, our first Christmas was miserable with Kevin, Renae and me sitting around the dinner table too sad to eat and there were plane flights and layovers in small airports. As time passed, we got into a routine and have been able to see each other quite a bit since then. I now have 3 grandchildren, ages 8, 4 and 1 and they know who we are and how much we love them.

So here I am tonight barely able to contain my excitement because tomorrow I’m using a one way ticket to fly to Denver. My daughter, grandkids and I are driving back to PA. My daughter, her husband and their kids will be living near us in just a few short days! Yep, they’re moving to Pennsylvania. I have to swallow hard, because of the huge lump in my throat, when I think that 8 years ago I made this cross country move with our youngest, then 4 years later my son followed and now my entire family will be here.

What could be better than finally being able to watch the growing up!

For CCV’s 8 year history we’ve held a summer picnic and a fall festival. There are several reasons our staff believed these events were of value. Picnics and fall festivals provided:

• A place for new people to come and grab a bite to eat, play some corny games and connect with other people from the church, volunteer leaders and the staff
• An easy place to test the volunteer waters
• A low key event regulars could invite their non-churchgoing friends and family to attend

Planning and executing an event for 500 - 1,000 people is no walk in the park. I knew something was different this year because after weeks of inserts in the program and emails about volunteering, we only had a handful of people sign up to help out. Thank goodness the handful signed up - they were amazing!

Sunday rolled around and many key leaders begged out because of weather, other commitments or because we wouldn’t have anything for them to do because these are kids’ events. And when the picnic began and we had nothing on the tables except mostly food the church provided, I knew others from CCV didn’t plan on attending either.

To say the least, I was disappointed and this past week we’ve had a lot of discussion around why the event was of no interest. Has our church outgrown this type of event? Was it too hot? Did we not market the event right (I had somebody ask me what was going on that morning as we were setting up for the picnic)? Is it true that we only offer things for kids? It’s probably all of the above.

I’ve been accused, a lot, of expecting others to conduct themselves like I do when it comes to church functions, attending Sunday services, Bible study, volunteering, etc. That’s not my expectation; it’s just that I don’t take this Jesus thing lightly! He gave us our marching orders to go out and make disciples, to baptize them and to teach them. He also asked us to follow him, take up our cross, you get the idea. To me this means making the decision to do things whether we feel like doing them or not. Our actions and words should always show who’s first in our lives. Is it Jesus or is it me?

The staff has been looking in its mirror and pondering where we miss the mark in going out and making these disciples Jesus commanded us to make. Heck, we do this all the time. I’d like to ask those who call themselves followers of Jesus to do the same. Why didn’t you attend church and/or the picnic on Sunday? Why didn’t you invite anybody to join you at either? Why didn’t you volunteer to help plan or serve at the event? I can tell you this, I don’t love event planning or being on my feet, on concrete for 9 or 10 hours, but I’ll do it because I want to do everything I can to show people what it looks like to be part of a church family. It’s a bigger issue than just last Sunday; we all know that.

Earlier this week, Brian wrote a very pointed blog post and in my opinion he was right on with his words. His boldness didn’t offend me or ruffle my feathers in any way, shape or form. This is one thing I’ve always loved about him - his willingness to tackle the difficult topics and receive the fallout that inevitably comes in the aftermath of what he’s said or written.

To everybody who responded to or read the post, there’s no reason to be defensive or offended. For Christians, we should understand completely what Brian was saying; and for those who haven’t yet sorted through their spiritual questions, they got read who and what our church really is about and it’s not Brian.

We have to get out of the mode of passive Christianity. People should see what we do and hear what we say and be compelled to ask, “What makes these people tick?” We want them to say, “I want what they have.” “I want to be part of what they’re doing.” We can’t show people Jesus if all we do is sit in an auditorium for 60 minutes on Sunday.

My question is this: Are we ready, willing and able to ACTIVELY show the world what it means to be part of the church Jesus started?

Part of my morning routine is to check the Comcast news headlines. The first article to come up yesterday was titled: Clinton Ends Historic Presidential Run. I admit it; the first thought that came into my mind was sexist. I told Kevin (my husband) how it saddened me to think there might even be an inkling of a chance she didn’t get nominated because she’s a woman. He, of course, asked me if I really believed that. Part of me does, unfortunately.

Continuing to get ready for work, I was thinking that maybe I’d allowed myself to go to the extreme with my views and perceptions of what men get and what women don’t. The men in my personal and professional circle maintain that in our environment women are afforded the same opportunities as men. While I don’t agree with these men, I don’t want to go down the slippery victim slope either.

Finally I shook off my feelings and started to do some surfing to read what other women were saying. I came across this statement on a female law professor’s blog:

“Hillary Clinton has actually done a great service to women, if she doesn’t ruin it all by whining that her defeat was due to sexism. She has in fact shattered the glass ceiling by being completely, plausibly presidential, and even believable as Commander in Chief. She has also shattered the glass ceiling by being rejected (and narrowly at that) for her character, not her gender.”

Well said! I believe this is all any of us who have been judged by our skin color or gender have wanted. See me as a whole person, teach me equally, offer me the same opportunities, and value me because of my character. Then accept me or reject me because of something real.

I have to say thanks to Hillary for adding millions of cracks to that ceiling!

I just read Andy Stanley’s book, Making Vision Stick. As Diane and I continue to develop this women’s thing at CCV, we thought the book would help us fine tune what we believe God is leading us to do. She’s been a Christian a long time and is familiar with what a typical women’s ministry looks like. I, on the other hand, have only done this Christianity thing for about 10 years, and have never been involved in a traditional women’s ministry. We’ve named what we’re doing CLEAR, but our vision is still taking shape.

Reluctantly, at a convention a few years ago, I went to a pastors’ wives tea. They gave each of us a tiara, because we were princesses - daughters of the King. WHAT? We did an exercise to determine our personality type and the wife of a senior pastor talked about what all this meant to us personally. It was a fine session, but it did nothing to inspire me to go out and do anything differently as a Christian woman.

Diane and I want to lead women down a spiritual path they’ve never journeyed before. For Diane this is women grasping how deeply they are loved by God. For me this is women owning their identity as a Christ follower. Our desire is to challenge, inspire, encourage, and teach women how their lives fit into God instead of him being forced into a small box they’ve created.

I’m treading lightly when it comes to calling this a women’s ministry, yet we want to develop something awesome for women. Here’s the thing, I don’t want anything to do with something that’s remotely close to an old-fashioned women’s ministry. Does being called a princess sound silly or what? How would we communicate that to a woman who doesn’t know God? That picture does nothing to move me out of my comfort zone or challenge me to do more. Princesses sit in towers looking pretty while waiting for their prince to rescue them. Now I’m all for looking pretty, but I don’t need to be rescued, in fact I want to do the rescuing.

The women at CCV told us they want to learn the Bible, to be connected with one another and to receive clear communication. I don’t believe this is everything. What is it we women really want and need? What are our hopes, dreams, struggles, desires, successes, failures, and goals? When we commit to following Jesus, how does that play out in our everyday lives? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I don’t have time because, I don’t know how because, I don’t have any friends because, I have to wait because…” It doesn’t have to be this way, I’m certain.

Diane and I still have some work to do to refine this vision. Personally, I want women to be spiritual forces to be reckoned with, with the people in their lives, with families, co-workers, neighbors and friends. I don’t think up to this point in time women have lead, spiritually, to the extent I believe they can (and I’m not talking about only paid ministry either). I hope there are a lot of women who want to come along on this ride with two middle-aged women!

I was doing some surfing this morning and came across this blog post. The girl knows who she is and she’s honest about it.

This might be a worthwhile exercise for some of the rest of us! It’s an interesting list…

1. I have lived most of my life in Colorado but was born in Nebraska.
2. My Mom is my best friend.
3. My middle child is named for a Broncos ex-player.
4. I never have had a sewing lesson and feel like I need one because I don’t sew that well.
5. I got a Tickle Me Elmo when they were the “in” thing.
6. I have a semi naked lady tattoo’d on my back.
7. I don’t drink enough water.
8. I like dolls like I am still a little girl.
9. I can make anything, perty much.
10. My “real” father left me on a door step when I was 5. I have never figured out why he didn’t want me.
11. My boobs are bigger than my newborns’ heads were.
12. Most of the time, I feel like my husband is just too good for me.
13. He and I together, have perfect DNA.
14. I know absolutely NOTHING about sports.
15. My brother thought I’d never marry because he assumed I was a lesbian.
16. I like to make things but rarely keep anything I make.
17. I wanted to be a vet for awhile. I’da sucked at it.
18. I never EVER want to work again.
19. I hold grudges, big time.
20. I never, ever feel good enough.
21. My kids are my favorite thing ever.
22. I have a weird fascination with with taco tongue group on flickr.
23. I breastfed my daughter to “prove” something. I kept doing it because of how close it made me feel to my children and still does.
24. If it was up to me, Phatboy would have a mohawk forever.
25. There are days, I eat virtually nothing and don’t realize it until my milk doesn’t seem right so now I write myself post it notes.
26. I love to color with crayola crayons. The generics just aren’t the same.
27. The reason I make the costumes I make is so I can “win”. I want to be “that” mom at school.
28. I can read a magazine cover to cover and retain nothing.
29. I can tell you what’s in something just by tasting it.
30. I hate eggs, BIG TIME.
31. I’d cover every inch of wall space with pictures if I had the money to frame them all.
32. I don’t feel like I ever do anything right.
33. I just don’t remember, not sure why but I can’t remember anything.
34. I used to write for the school newspaper.
35. I cover my teeth when I talk because I am embarrassed of my smile.
36. I have pages of unpublished blog posts because I am afraid someone might think I am nuttier then they already think I am.
37. I have never met some of my closest friends.
38. I have watched Meet the Robinsons 12 times.
39. I have a $200 Subaru that I love more then my mini van.
40. I have never financed a car.
41. We didn’t get our first credit card until this year. And I am afraid to use it too much.
42. I go to the store more then I should. Sometimes I don’t buy anything but I just want to get out of the house and it not be the park.
43. I like to go to the zoo more then anywhere else.
44. I don’t go as often as I used to because I miss my friend I used to go with.
45. I feel like people don’t take me seriously, ever.
46. I never went to prom, had a real wedding, took a honeymoon or had a babyshower that was thrown by friends.
47. My brother lived with me from the time he was 15. I sometimes feel like he’s my kid.
48. My house is almost never clean.
49. I collect lunch boxes.
50. I own 8 slr and dslrs. I heart cameras.
51. After 9-11 I didn’t leave my house for a month. I made Buns do everything.
52. The first time I left the house after 9-11 was to get on a plane.
53. One of my very best friends died from AIDs related complications.
54. I don’t have but a single photo of him now.
55. My first car had no heater, in COLORADO.
56. I keep lots of secrets because then I have something that’s just mine.
57. I am a pack rat because I never had anything and now that I do I don’t ever want to give it up.
58. I am not real sure what my real haircolor is.
59. I REALLY want to have veneers but I feel to vain to get them.
60. I get sad when I have a blog post without a comment even if it’s stupid.
61. I win a lot, like coloring contests and stuff. I have even won pumpkin carving contests.
62. I secretly want to be “that” cool mom. You know the one who all the kids want to play at their house.
63. I am rarely afraid to tell you how I feel but I often hurt people’s feelings because I can’t find my filter.
64. I got pregnant with Phatboy while starting the egg donation process.
65. I think about my real dad almost every week. I constantly wonder about where he is.
66. I have two half brothers that I don’t talk to.
67. My sister and I look a whole lot a like even though our dads are different and she looks like hers. It’s weird.
68. People used to think Matthew and I were twins.
69. I want to be a race car driver.
70. I can “see” colors. I know when things aren’t the right color in photos almost instantly.
71. I rarely sleep more then 2 hour stretches. I can’t get my mind to turn off.
72. I have a paper collection that rivals Michael’s.
73. I have to touch fabric before I buy it which is why I can’t buy online.
74. I love Salted Nutrolls
75. I start Christmas stuff in August.
76. I HATE my real name.
77. I talk to one of my closest friends damn near everyday on the phone and we never run out of stuff to talk about.
78. I have ears like Doogal but you will most likely never see them.
79. I dream about my “beige box friends”. But there never look like they actually look.
80. A jar of peanut butter is a meal to me.
81. My job requires I talk to people and I am afraid to talk to people. Funny.
82. I can suck my top lip up into my nose, weird.
83. I take a photo EVERYDAY. You don’t see half of what I take.
84. My favorite ice cream of all time is chocolate and peanutbutter from Baskin Robbins.
85. I am embarrassed I let people know about my “illness” because now I don’t think anyone takes me seriously. It’s painful to live life thinking everyone either pities you or thinks you’re a joke. Whether it is true or not.
86. My mom fired me once.
87. Elmo’s my favorite.
88. I hadn’t ever used a puter till 6 years ago. Now I am perty darn good at it.
89. I hate to do the dishes. I’d eat on paper if it didn’t kill the planet.
90. I love cartoons.
91. I drove several years without insurance and am totally ashamed.
92. I HATED highschool.
93. My kids, well I think they are the most awesomely beautiful children eva’.
94. I once gave the dog from Sublime a ride in my car and he peed in it.
95. My favorite coffee is from a place called “Paris on the Platte”. It’s called a Cafe Jaque and it’s orange and mocha.
96. I think pretzel goldfish are the best.
97. I want to be a midwife someday.
98. I haven’t worn a dress or skirt in like forever that wasn’t for a party.
99. I sit indian style rather then with my legs crossed.
100. I can’t believe I finished!

Usually I don’t have trouble admitting I’m wrong. Owning up to my mistakes, saying I’m sorry and learning whatever lesson it is I need to learn isn’t a problem, usually. That is unless I have to admit I’m off base to the guy I’m married to. Why I can’t do this with him puzzles me.

I recently finished reading Crazy Love written by Francis Chan, Senior Pastor of Cornerstone Community Church in Simi Valley, California. I heard him speak, last year, at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta and loved his message. A friend gave me the book with the warning that it wasn’t an easy book to digest. She was right, but I loved what he had to say regardless of the ‘in your face’ text.

Francis challenges us to see God in a way we’ve never seen him before telling us that our view is too narrow and small. He believes we’re missing out on all that God wants for us. We Christians are all talk and no action. Sadly, our actions don’t match our words. He asks, “Do you really understand what God has done for you?” “If so, why is your response so lukewarm?”

A few statements in the book made me take a look at my own relationship with Jesus and what I say and what I do. Am I a risk taker? Do I believe that God created me to do specific things only I can do? Have I chosen joy and am I working for it?

For years I’ve called myself a tormented soul because of the many things I’ve struggled with personally. I’ve struggled both before and after my decision to follow Jesus. Kevin (my husband) has been right there with me through every struggle offering honest and encouraging words. He would also say that I had a choice in the way I felt and handled these struggles. He reminds me of how incredible it is to be serving God the way we do. My response has always been that I didn’t have a choice.

I admit it, I’ve been wrong. In some areas of my life, my words have not matched my actions. It’s easy to skate - even when you’re a member of a church staff. Kevin’s words and reminders were right; I have choices. I know I won’t change overnight, but I’m praying and mulling over the challenge given in this book. After all, who wants to be lukewarm?

Yesterday while getting ready for work, I was listening to the Today show. When I heard the words “first woman president”, I decided to sit down and watch the segment. The story featured Drew Gilpin Faust, Harvard’s first woman president in its 372 year history. This is quite an accomplishment considering that in 1967 women were not allowed in the Harvard undergraduate library! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. In the interview, she said if anyone had told her in her younger years that she’d be in this position she never would have believed it. She wouldn’t have believed it, in large part, because of her mother’s words to her as she was growing up. She remembers her mom saying, “It’s a man’s world and it always will be; once you learn that you’ll be much happier.”

Drew has had an amazing career and has already, in her short tenure at Harvard, implemented some groundbreaking changes. If you’re interested in reading more or watching the interview, click on the links below:

www.president.harvard.edu and

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/24707634

I write this because last night my 20 year old daughter shared a recent conversation with another young woman her age. Most people know that I am a woman who works in a man’s world and have shared many of my feelings and opinions about this subject. My daughter’s friend was asked about her ministry career aspirations. The friend’s reply was that she didn’t believe she was good enough for a specific position, that men were more qualified. Again, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I can’t believe any female in the year 2008 would utter these words from her lips.

As the saying goes, “we’ve come a long way baby”, and we have, but in reality we still have a long way to go. Women - young, old and everywhere in between - don’t ever think there’s something you can’t accomplish or strive for because of your gender. Go out and take the hill no matter what hill it is or who’s on it. Show them what you’re made of and what you’ve got!