HER ROAD BACK

I’ve been trying to blog in two places for awhile now. It’s very hard to do - at least for me it is. I’m always trying to decide what I should say on which blog. I’ve written about ministry and my personal struggles on this blog and I’ve written about women’s issues on the CLEAR blog. After a lot of flip-flopping, I’ve decided to write on the CLEAR blog only. 

I’ve come to realize that if this CLEAR women’s thing is going to become what I believe God wants it to become, I need to focus my attention there. All across America up and coming pastors are ball busting men to get in the game, to step up and be the men God created them to be, to lead in the church and in their households.  I believe it’s time to start challenging women to step into their roles as well!

This has been a great place for me to share what’s in my heart and on my mind. I thank my daughter for creating a blog that let me share a bit of who I am and what I’m passionate about. I’ve loved reading all the comments over the last several months.

So stay tuned and start reading at www.get2clear.com. There’s also a link on the home page of the CCV website. I’ve got lots to say and lots to do as CLEAR continues to help women see where God fits.

A friend sent me and my pal, Diane, an email on facebook and referred to us as “wannabe-men” types. The email contained information about an upcoming conference led by a woman business leader. I fired an email back to my friend asking what he meant by “wannabe men” types. He and Diane then went into a funny dialog about ribs and apples and which of the sexes was the stronger, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I didn’t realize it was just another way of saying women. Women were made from Adam’s rib, so they’re wannabe men. I got it, finally. Duh. Honestly, my initial reaction involved hair standing up on the back of my neck. I thought to myself, “I don’t want to be a man, I just want the opportunity to do the same things as men!”

My reaction came from my ongoing struggle with women’s roles in the church. Just when I think I’m past it, my perception of a joking comment gets me thinking about the issues (or maybe they’re just my issues) once again. It didn’t help matters that I’d just read the most recent issue of the Christian Standard which focused on emerging and megachurches. As I glanced down the lists of the largest Independent Christian Churches in U.S., the only names I read were men’s names. Not one church on these lists is lead by a woman.

I know it’s too soon in the history of the church to see women as senior pastors. Most the guys leading today have been leading churches for many years. When these lead guys began pastoring churches, in those days a woman would never have been trained to preach or pastor a church, so there’s no way today she’d be in a lead position. Realistically, I’m not sure if women are being trained, today, to lead churches either. As badly as I want women to learn to preach and to lead church planting efforts, it still may be too soon. If colleges, church planting organizations and churches aren’t offering women the same opportunities as men, we may never see both men and women as lead pastors.

I’ve been praying a lot about why I feel so strongly about men and women leading the same way in the church. I need to be okay with what God’s desire is when it comes to church leadership. The button’s not as hot as it used to be, thank goodness! I definitely don’t “wannabe a man” - I like being a girl! Thanks to my friend for poking some fun at us girls. His teasing helped me realize I need to loosen up and recognize that God has it all taken care of.

I’m at a new place in my life these days. I’m not under a tremendous amount of stress, although I have a ton of work to do both at home and at work. I’m at a great place in my career. I’m thrilled that my children and grandchildren live in Pennsylvania. I’m feeling a little older physically, but I’m not struggling with anything I can’t handle. I’d say I’m peaceful.

I’ve not been ‘peaceful’ in years. I’m the kind of person that always has something nagging at me - always. I’m dissatisfied with work or with someone in my life. I’m fat or my hair’s not right or I have nothing to wear.  Over the last six months the nagging has gone away. Instead of being bogged down with what’s not right, I’m looking around me and thinking this is what needs to happen next or there’s an opportunity here. I look in the mirror and think I look and feel pretty good for a woman who will be 50 in six months.

This is a different place for me and it’s weird. I’ve talked and written so much from that nagging place, that I’m not sure how to talk and write from the peaceful place. A professor wrote a note on one of my papers suggesting that I keep my past experiences with me, but that it was time for me to start sharing what it’s like at this time in my life. She said it’s okay to talk about the good places too!

I’ve not written on this blog in awhile because I wasn’t exactly sure what to write. I guess it’s time to start writing and talking about growing up and maturing in my faith, what it’s like to be a spiritual leader, what it’s like to serve on the staff of a growing church, and what it’s like to be leading a new ministry for women.

As I beging to think about sharing from this place, I’d love some interaction. One-sided conversations are just that, one-sided! I know people read, but they don’t often share their thoughts, ideas or questions. Let’s start talking about growing up spiritually, being members of a local church, and the importance of sharing our faith. I would love to hear what everybody else thinks and believes. Maybe if we start talking here, our conversations will progress from online to face-to-face. Hmmm…

Diane Karchner and I have been talking about doing something for women for over 5 years. We have spent thousands of hours talking about our hopes and dreams both for women who attend our church for those who don’t. And not just for women like us, but for all women - young, middle aged, older, married, single, with kids, without kids, home or working outside the home. We wanted to share our experiences before following Jesus and after. Diane always wanted women to know how much God loves them. Me, I wanted them to know that we need more women pursuing minsitry careers. My goal was to encourage them to attend Christian colleges and to consider rolls in the church that have been traditionally men’s.

This past year has been nothing like we expected! We gave what we’re doing a name - CLEAR. We actually put the words “women’s ministry” with the name. We formed a leadership team of gifted women with varying ages, talents and abilities. Diane and I always said we didn’t want CLEAR to be the “Diane and Terri” show. We believe it’s  important to raise up other women leaders. We hosted events that gathered all sorts of women to do things that really weren’t Diane’s and my cup of team.  Our quarterly brunches included some serious topics and some fun and games. We started a quarterly newsletter and a book club.

Diane and I continuously strive to seek what God wants us to do, we work hard at planning, we keep our vision at the front of our efforts, we spend time with all types of women so we know what they want, we’ve taken risks and made lots of mistakes. In the end, what we do through CLEAR is about helping women see how God fits into their lives, that’s it.

So like I said, the results of what we’re doing have not been what we’ve expected. Of course, I want women in paid ministry like I am, but the reality is once a person decides to follow Jesus he has something for them to do regardless of what their profession happens to be or is going to be. Really all we want to do is to help women figure out how to have a relationship with Jesus and what that relationship means in their life. Our vision is that women fully grasp that God created them exactly the way he wanted to and if they let him lead their life, they will become a mighty force. Women have so much influence in the world and most of the time I don’t think they realize they have it. That needs to change. We women need to lock arms and figure this out together. We need to continue to be out in the world, but with the common goal to show others who Jesus is - our families, friends, co-workers, scout troop leaders, home and school board members, etc.

At this past Saturday’s brunch (3/7/09), we asked the 90 women who attended to think about their influence and what dream they believe God has given them.  It was truly amazing to see the discussions and to have them ask us for more time to take about their dreams. I’m grateful for the dream God put into Diane’s and my heart. It’s going to be a wild ride as the dream for CLEAR unfolds.

How is the church to accomplish the work Jesus gave us to do? Often, I get this feeling that there will never be enough time to do all the work. We, who call ourselves Christians, seem to have no sense of urgency or excitement around all the opportunities we have. Jesus told us in the Great Commission to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey everything he commanded. He told us that the Greatest Commandment was to love God with all our heart, mind and soul and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Some of my friends are in Nairobi, Kenya, right now, trying to sort out what work Jesus has for our church in that part of the world. For 8+ years we’ve been doing the work he gave us to do here in the Philadelphia suburbs. With so many people to reach in Africa, America and every other part of the world, why are we still doing the bare minimum of only attending church services on Sunday morning? Why do we focus so much on our own struggles and hardships? Why don’t we look outside ourselves to the ones who have no hope and no salvation? I think we need to get past our busy lives, our drive for success and our “what’s in it for me mentality.” We get so caught up in arguing doctrine, what it takes to make a disciple and how can we go deep, that we end up like a social club that only has things to offer its members.

I’m tired, I work a lot of hours, I attend school full-time, I have a family, my feet hurt, I’m on the edge of menopause, I have bills, and dogs, so I know what other Christian’s lives look like. I’ve been depressed, I’ve experienced a divorce, living in my car, deaths, sexual abuse, and money issues, so I know what it feels like to hurt and be alone. Life is hard when you don’t have hope; heck life is hard when you do. But at the end of the day, loving and serving God far outweighs the burdens in my life.

I guess what I’m trying figure out is why we don’t do much with Jesus’ words. Why aren’t we serving on Sunday mornings helping to make CCV a place where people can come and experience God’s love through our meager little efforts as ushers, greeters, classroom assistants, lead teachers, guitar players, tech team members and security guys? Why aren’t we inviting our family and friends to Sunday services and other events? Why aren’t we inviting people to join us as we study and discuss God and his word? Why aren’t we putting our own needs aside to show our neighbors God’s love and forgiveness? Why aren’t we looking for ways to live out what Jesus expected of his followers? I hope someday we never have to ask for more volunteers because everybody is serving in some capacity. I’d love to never teach about tithing or conduct a capital campaign because we believe giving to God and his church deserves the biggest investment.

I’m overwhelmed at the thought of my friends in Kenya and what they are experiencing in one of the largest slums in the world. The people in that slum need Jesus both personally and practically that’s why there are missionaries living there doing the work God gave them to do.

My question is, “What are we going to do about the work we’ve been given?” Do we know what we believe, why we believe it and what we’re to do with what we believe? We need to get up off our butts and show the world how amazing the church Jesus established is by how it serves and loves, both inside and outside its walls.

Who knew a little thing like Facebook would be pretty cool for us old folks? My youngest has been giving me grief about all the people over 40 using what she thinks should only be for young people to stay connected with their friends. Funny thing, we old people like to stay connected or reconnect with friends too!

This week I reconnected with three old friends. I was thrilled that they found me and sent me that all important ‘friend request.’ It was fun to look at their pictures and to share what’s been happening in our lives and families. When you’re in your own little world, you think your kids are the only ones who’ve grown up. Surprise! We all have kids that are grown up. When I saw the pictures of my old friend from Jr. High, I literally could have cried. I laughed and shared with my girls some of the crazy stuff she and I did as 14 year old girls. It’s weird to think that was 35 years ago!

I’ve had a pretty stressful last couple of weeks! I’ve been tired and grump and weepy. It’s been pretty sucky. I got just what I needed with those 3 little connections through Facebook. For a long time I resisted the Facebook thing because I thought I didn’t have time. Tonight, I’m glad I took the time!

I can’t seem to get the trip to Africa off my mind. The CCV team, that includes two good friends, is headed to Nairobi, Kenya in one short week. My friend, Diane, has been talking about Africa for five years. I’m glad she’s going so she can see it, taste it and smell it. She always said she couldn’t fully grasp what’s needed there until she did those things. Brian, our senior pastor, has been talking about Africa for years too! I’m glad he’s going because of his heart for lost and oppressed people and because he has such great vision for what the church can be. He sees and internalizes things differently from the rest of us – it’s a true gift from God. 

I pray for the team to learn, to be moved and to be changed by what God is allowing them to experience. I pray the people of the Nairobi slum will see and feel Jesus when they come into contact with my friends. I pray they come back filled up with experiences and knowledge and a renewed desire to take the world for Jesus. My logical side prays for their safety, and that they will come home to all of us who love them (we’ve got lots of things we need to do when they get back)!

Our church is embarking on something so new and so exciting it still feels like a far off dream. It’s pretty incredible that God has put on their hearts the need to take this risk and to be uncomfortable so that he can reach more people and change more lives. The dream is almost a reality and I pray that this is just the beginning of another great work God has asked CCV to do!

I have to admit that I have yet to watch the inauguration festivities. I was swamped at work on Tuesday, had a meeting and class that night. My daughter recorded everything so she could watch it with her 9 year – thank goodness! The two Kevins that live in my house had it on last night and I caught just a glimpse of the Obamas taking their places, Rick Warren delivering the invocation and Aretha Franklin singing America the Beautiful. I was so choked up I could barely speak. America elected a black man as its 44^th President! African Americans were slaves 150 ago, which was one of the darkest times in American history. And now, we embark on what could be one of the brightest times in American history. What would Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. think? I think it’s pretty incredible.

I’m not liberal in my political beliefs, but I am encouraged and interested to see if this new hope and new commitment is grasped by Americans. Will Americans see Barak Obama as the guy that’s for them?

I’ve been praying for him since he was elected. I’m going to take him on his word that he’s a committed follower of Jesus. I pray that he stays connected to Jesus above everything else. I pray he’d ask for guidance from God first and other government officials second. I pray his Christian influence is as powerful as his political influence. I pray he remains humble, committed and passionate about what he wants to accomplish as the President of the most powerful country in the world. What would it look like if he really walked the talk?

So Jesus chose twelve guys to do ministry with him and ultimately focused much of his time on three of the twelve. The gospels tell us what they did and said over the course of the three years they spent together. Jesus dies, is buried and is resurrected. After his resurrection he spends time with the guys he chose as well as others who followed him telling all of them what they were supposed to do once he was no longer around. After he goes to heaven, his followers begin doing the work he gave them to do. From the book of Acts through Revelation we read about the work done by Peter, Paul, John, Apollos, Priscilla and Aquila, Phoebe, Lydia, Timothy and many others. Men and women were with Jesus, men and women were saved, and men and women went out and shared the gospel.

Lately, there’s been lots of talk in church world I can’t get my mind around. I’ve read and heard a lot about how we need to reach men, the church has been feminized, if we reach the men, we reach the whole family. I’d be lying if I didn’t say this ruffles my feathers and makes my heart start to pound out of my chest! Here’s what I can’t figure out. If men have led the church since the very beginning, Jesus, 12 disciples, Paul, Peter, John, Constantine, Luther, Calvin, the Popes, Dr. King, Billy Graham and so on, why is it men still aren’t attending, giving, serving? There have been some amazing male spiritual leaders down through history, what’s missing? Why are men still absent? If men have been leading the church for 2000+ years what needs to change so that more men become passionate about Jesus and the church?

It saddens and frustrates me that we have to focus more on one gender when we are doing ministry; that we can’t just focus on people. But after speaking my mind to the men I do ministry with and talking to my female friends, I think I’m beginning to understand. If we don’t have men actively participating in the life of the church, half of God’s creation isn’t doing the work Jesus left for us to do. The church needs to be led and developed and shared by both men and women.

Guys, what’s it going to take? What’s it going to take for you to grasp how living a life completely devoted to Jesus is the most masculine, kick butt thing you can do? Jesus wasn’t a sissy; he was out there in the muck and the mire doing God’s work. We need more guys like him, right now, in the muck and mire doing God’s work too!

Where did the idea come from that the lead pastor has to do everything for everybody in the church? I’ll admit I didn’t grow up in the church so when I started attending several years ago in Colorado, I had no concept of the ‘expected’ duties of the guy who preached on Sunday.

A year went by and I’d never met the guy. Finally, Kevin and I signed up to attend an information meeting about the church which the lead pastor conducted. After that meeting I got involved serving on the hospitality team. It was an amazing group of women who regularly shared a meal, planned social events for the church, prayed for one another and served together on Sunday mornings. I loved that church and will forever be grateful that it was there that I met Jesus. I met him by serving on that hospitality team and in a babies’ classroom; by listening to sermons and meeting with a group of women at a McDonald’s to talk about the Bible. Believe it or not, over the course of the 2 years I was there, I maybe talked to David, the lead pastor, once or twice. Based on my experiences at that church, it never occurred to me that I’d go to him for something. Why did I not go to him? Because I had all those other people I knew to help answer my questions and help me with my life’s struggles.

I say all this to make the point that the man or woman who delivers the message on Sunday morning is a regular person just like the rest of us. They have homes and families, they coach sports, argue with their spouse, clean the toilet and sometimes they even drive over the speed limit! They just have a different job from ours. The Bible is pretty darned clear about how the church is to function. It’s a body doing everything, not one single body part that does everything. No one person is gifted with all the gifts talked about in scripture. The Bible also gives us a good picture of how the people in the church are to care for the many needs that inevitably arise.

I think Paul’s words in Romans 12:3-8 explain better what I’m trying to say…

³ For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. ⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

I think the expectations and assumptions of church attendees have gotten way out of whack. God gives these gifts so the church doesn’t get out of whack. The church wouldn’t be healthy if everybody went to one single person for prayer, guidance, support, help, teaching.

If this is a difficult concept for you; in light of what the Bible says, try to re-evaluate your expectations of the person that leads your church and delivers the message on Sunday morning. Appreciate and learn from their teaching and leadership, but understand that this person is perhaps not as gifted at listening and helping with a personal issue as another person in the church.

I say, “Give “em a break!”, get involved in the church and receive what others can give you and use what you’ve been given to help them. There’s nothing more amazing than a healthy, well-functioning church body!